After Fabric nightclub was closed down for being the only club in the UK where people take drugs, young people are being urged to avoid drugs, and just get shitfaced instead. Although, if you’re not drinking, or taking drugs, but you’re in the same club as someone who is, that club will be closed down.
One MP, who has never taken any drugs except for a few lines of coke at uni said, “we don’t want anyone doing anything that could harm you that’s why alcohol is the best idea. To really enjoy you have to drink a lot though.”
He went on to say that he had heard that some drugs make you love those around you, such as ecstasy, “I’ve heard that, and it also makes music sound better, you shouldn’t be doing anything that alters your consciousness or opens your mind up to new possibilities, or connects you to others. You might try something once, and never do it again, but just don’t try it in the first place. It’s better to get pissed.”
Another government official who had never tried any drugs urged young people to not take drugs or drink, or do anything at all, ” I personally would advise young people to not to do anything, at all, ever. We’re only here a short time, and it’s better you stay safe and try nothing until you die.”
Theresa May, unelected Prime Minister, added, “I wasn’t elected, but because we don’t have proportional representation we only won on 25% of the vote last time so who gives a shit. Anyway, yes, certain drugs can open up your mind and make you realise how much you love your friends but that can get in the way of life. better to just get drunk, which is fun and can make you feel sick.”
The government has admitted that there are many young people that do not wish to take drugs or drink, but that doesn’t matter because they will make the choice for them.
Theresa May added, “I’m going to get the best deal for Britain in Brexit negotiations.”